So much has happened since my last post. I found myself yet again in physical pain, this time from a herniated disc in my neck that caused a lot of upper back pain and "I just hit my crazy bone" type nerve pain from my shoulder to fingertips in my left arm, no reflexes and significant weakness. I finally went to the doctor, expecting a pinched nerve or something along those lines, only to be sent for an MRI and straight to a neurosurgeon (whom I have seen before and completely trust to be very conservative). Imagine my surprise when, after he looked at my MRI and examining me, that he recommended surgery, right away.
So to surgery I went. He found that my disc had broken into pieces (HOW does that happen? I can remember no event, fall, etc. that would cause this, other than the slip in the pool that caused the elbow thing, but that was two years ago). It disintegrated when he tried to remove it. Had to use a "dremmel tool" to dig it all out of there - that still sort of creeps me out. It was replaced with a piece of cadaver bone (ok that also creeps me out a little) and screwed in a titanium plate across the two vertebrae and the new-to-me bone. I went home in a soft collar to be worn around the clock and a five pound weight limit. Five pounds! My purse weighs more than that! After three weeks, I returned for an xray and post surgical exam, and happily learned that the bones are starting to fuse. Still in the collar, but weaning off at home.
Unexpected, however, was the fact that he had to move my esophagus (they went in through my neck) and couldn't swallow solid food for almost two weeks. Bonus: 10 pounds, bye bye. Most surprising to me has been the extreme fatigue that still, six weeks later, plagues me. I have had to seriously limit my activities, which does not sit well with me!
So it's been a rough go, and I've no idea how much longer the malaise will last. I wallowed in my disappointment and frustration, frankly it still overwhelms me at times. Especially since I seem to be on the "a surgery a year" plan, after last summer's elbow drama. I'm struggling with disappointment at another summer gone by with seeing few of my hopes and plans come to fruition. GRANDKIDS! My two biggest ones are starting school in just a few weeks and of course it's harder to plan time with them once the school year gets going.
I've learned some things, important things. How to receive ... we had meals brought in for a solid three weeks, people helping clean and run errands, visitors that definitely helped my "mental" health. I've had a lot of reflection time (a LOT!) and have realized that I'm BAD at receiving. And at the core of that, in all reality, is pride. My nemesis. I am so thankful to all those people who have loved me so well and continue to do so.
And then there's the patience thing again. The doctor gave me a recovery window of 2 weeks to 4 months (!) and of course to me that meant two weeks. So here I sit six weeks out still napping every day!
I've had lots of time for reflection - slowing down to the point of thinking instead of just doing. No fires to put out, no demands on my time or emotions, other than what I put on myself of course. It's been good to rediscover and remember the things I am really passionate about from a ministry standpoint, and SO good to spend uninterrupted, no-time-limit time with the Lord.
I know this season will not be wasted ... I must continue to actively fight the frustration and discouragement! So I plod forward, slowly but surely, resting when I need to and taking care of the basics. Speaking of resting ... nap straight ahead! Happier blogs to come.
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