the story of my life

Have you ever read a book or watched a movie that you thought was based on real life - a true story - only to find out that it was purely fiction?  Doesn't it change your whole perception of the story?

For most of my life I have defined myself as being "high" in certain gifts, and really (I mean REALLY) low in mercy and compassion.  In fact, I have been quick to tell others that these two particular qualities are weaknesses of mine.  At some point I reconciled (rationalized?) this within myself by realizing that I am part of a Body, and everyone has different gifts.  So while I'm not the best at mercy and compassion, there are others that are, and they should balance me out.  Not that it excuses me from being merciful and compassionate, but it definitely took the pressure off. 

Recently I went through an exercise with the other women during our weekly Bible study at the office.  We had to write our name on a card, then pass it around the room, and everyone wrote something about that person that we appreciated.  No problem!  I could easily think of something to write about every woman in that room.  But then, we got our own cards back, and had to read them out loud.  Oh the horror!  Almost every one of us cried as we read them.

Here's the problem.  The card with my name on it was filled, front and back, with statements about me that seemed to "appreciate" my care and concern (read "mercy and compassion") for others.  Of course my first thought was that they were ALL wrong.  Done deal.  But as that day and the following ones passed, I found myself taking that card back out and re-reading it, and wondering if it was really possible that everyone lied about me.  My conclusion is that these dear women would not do that, and that everyone else's cards, when read aloud, seemed to fit them perfectly.

So I was forced to really examine my "story."  Is it possible that while I have been running around spouting off that I stink at mercy and compassion, God has really been expanding that little part of me?  Growing it up big enough that it is the thing these women (all of whom know me well) think is a prominent, evident part of who I am?

While this is still hard to wrap my head around, I think that it's time that I stop telling that old story.  Obviously God is up to something that I try to thwart everytime I define myself incorrectly, internally or externally.  I am surprised - how and when did this happen and how did I miss it?  Clearly it's happened over time, gradually, and I missed it because I was so busy defining myself that I haven't noticed all the people and situations God has put in my path that called for much care and compassion.  So I'm trying to knock down the walls of that box I made and remember that God said "I know the plans I have for you ..." (Jeremiah 29:11), in fact to stay OUT of any box at all and let Him define me as He pleases.  No more story-telling for me.

What's your story? 

The Art Gallery

I have a whole room (unfinished) in my basement that is wallpapered with the creations of the littles.  Thought I would share a few from last week.  First, Lexi:

No it's not a windmill, it's a flower, and you will get an earful if you say otherwise.  Just warnin' ya.  I was pretty impressed with the whole 3D thing though - my tape dispenser is nearly empty but this jewel was worth it! 

Got it yet?  It says "the dumb turkey."  (Inventive spelling, that's what you call that.)  Why is he dumb?  Because he thinks the shaking, cracking egg down in the corner is "A baby!" ... in other words a turkey baby ... but the truth?  Joke's on him - it's a T-REX inside that egg! 

How 'bout this one?  "Bugs in Action"!  (Again with the spelling, I know.)

Had to zoom in on the detail - note the eyelashes, etc., on these fine little folks!

And ... drum roll please ... Mason:

I love how all his people have a "V" for a mouth ... and the careful use of stickers too!

This one makes me smile for two reasons - the "S" in his name, and the unabashed use of the pink flowers!

And last but not least, Callie Anne:

 Indiscriminate use of pattern, texture and dimension!

Lexi did the flowers for her, the stamps were already on the paper, so her contribution was the red heart, the green trail through the leaves, and the VIOLENT blue patch in the middle.  :)

LOVE THEM!

Prelude to Vacation

A taste of my day, just a little tiny morsel:

My headband gave me a headache, but not until I was already at work and couldn't change my mind +

the poor sweet MOPS baby that screamed for nearly an hour straight just outside my office this morning +

I let the tyranny of the urgent rule the day +

I hit my wall for the WHOLE WORK WEEK at 2:00 on Tuesday!

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, YAY, I'm on vacation for a week!!!  Brandon and Shiloh are coming home Thursday and will stay through Tuesday.  My office lights are out, my door is shut, I'm home in my pajamas and my recliner, my e-mail and voice mail will inform any and all of where to turn just in case, and I can turn away for awhile, and get properly excited about seeing my son!

In reflecting on "thanksgiving" this week, I found myself lured back to Psalm 95:1-7 over and over:

1 O come, let us sing for joy to the LORD,

Let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation.

2 Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving,

Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.

3 For the LORD is a great God

And a great King above all gods,

4 In whose hand are the depths of the earth,

The peaks of the mountains are His also.

5 The sea is His, for it was He who made it,

And His hands formed the dry land.

6 Come, let us worship and bow down,

Let us kneel before the LORD our Maker.

7 For He is our God,

And we are the people of His pasture and the sheep of His hand .

Verses 1, 2 and 6 instruct us on how to be thankful - shouting, singing with joy, worship, bowing down, and kneeling - and verses 3-5 and 7 tell us WHY we should be thankful - He is our God, everything was made by His hand, and we are His people.  

Seems I forgot this for a few hours - oh I felt like shouting all right, but not with joy!  But I return to joy tonight, and remember all that I have to be thankful for, and to Whom my thanks should be directed.  My grocery list, dirty house, a desperate aversion to all things related to Black Friday, and the prospect of eating too much fade away as I turn my mind toward worship.

Happy Thanksgiving all!

I'm a Publisher!

OK not true, really.  But it made me laugh to type it.  Actually, I'm trying to learn Publisher so that I can do brochures and newsletters and the like at work.  And I'm feeling that whole old dogs, new tricks thing a bit.  I started with an existing document and just played around with it, trying to get a feel for how it works, and much to my consternation two pages quickly overflowed to three, whole sections of text disappeared, and while trying to shrink a "text box" I turned it sideways instead.  I'm laughing now ... let's see if that's still true as my deadlines grow near ... somehow I must figure out how to engage my under-developed right brain, as my dominant left brain is not serving me well in this venture!

What's in your cupboard?

I poured my coffee this morning, and the first sip resulted in irritation.  I had the chipped cup.  The one that usually stays in the back of the cupboard, but every now and then rotates itself to the front (usually when my dishwasher is full).  I kept moving through my morning routine, but every time I lifted that cup to my lips I felt a flash of annoyance.  As I was about to pour my second cup, it suddenly dawned on me:  I COULD get rid of this cup!  I have probably 20 perfectly good, unchipped, coffee cups, and yet I keep hanging on to this one even though it irritates me every time I use it.


And then I wondered, how many "chipped cups" am I hanging on to within myself?  Things that might be technically functional, but are not the best I have to give, and in fact are blocking the way to the perfectly good cups?  Time to clean out some cupboards!

Knock knock ...

I've been very anti-social toward my blog for awhile.  In fact for so long that I doubt anyone's checking anymore, which is probably just as it should be.  Here's why.

I realized a couple of months ago that I was too often writing "to" my audience, instead of just pouring from my heart.  Which led to a consideration of a pride component, and the ugly realization that I was not only writing "for" my readers but avidly seeking their affirmation and approval.  So I stopped writing anywhere but my journal, and let God lay me bare on this issue of still needing/wanting the approval and affirmation of others, instead of being fully and completely satisfied with His never-changing and endless approval of me and therefore writing out of the overflow of my heart.  It doesn't matter whether the subject is some silly or wonderful thing one of my grandchildren has done, chronicling an event in my life, or writing about what God is teaching me and what I see Him doing all around me ... my motivation must NOT be the hope that someone will read it and leave a glowing comment, that it will move someone to action, that I will make someone laugh, or that (here's the heart of it) I will impress someone with my skill.

That was a really hard paragraph to write.  My weakness, my wrong motivations, my prideful heart ... laid before you, but most importantly spoken "aloud" before God and laid on the altar.  He has gently humbled me during these weeks and months. 

Somebody might be thinking, "What's the big deal?"  The big deal is that I have always wanted to write.  Always.  Since I was a little girl. I know I am passionate about many things that I would like to pour out in words.  But until now, that desire has been rooted in mixed motivation.  I think that there are things I have to say that might be worth reading.  But, and here is the change, they will only be worth reading if they're written from a place of weakness and humility, therefore allowing God to write through me, instead of me writing "for Him."  He doesn't need me to write for Him - after all, isn't He the author of all things?

So I come back here with the simple desire to share my heart as God leads me.  That's it.  It will be interesting to see what pours out ... I'm done planning and plotting how to be funny, powerful, motivating with my words.  No more agenda rooted in pride.

I imagine my subject matter won't change much ... isn't it totally unpredictable anyway?  :)  But my heart is changed and I look forward to see where He takes me on this little Slice of Life blog from here.

Oh so much has happened to me and around me since I've posted regularly!  What I will share remains to be seen - I feel like I'm going to be sitting beside you waiting to see what will come next.  Can I sign up to follow my own blog?

I'll leave you with my favorite snippet of the week.  As background, the littles are enthralled with knock-knock jokes right now.  At 6, 5 and 3, you might imagine the content and effectiveness of these 'jokes' ... and I use the term loosely.  Recently, though, Mason has started to find his comedic timing, and tells this one very well:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c... MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Does that even translate into writing?  I can heard it in my head though and it's hilarious - he's SO LOUD anyway.

So here's Callie's latest version:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting horse.
Interrupting horse who?
Neigh, neigh ... Hey!  I wanna ride a tiny horse!!!!!!

And she's off in a whole other non-sensical direction that left me in tears I was laughing so hard.  Precious little dolly!

Back soon.

Lexi cheer

In all her splendor - she delights me!  She had so much fun.  Gets to go cheer at a high school football game next Thursday - you can bet we'll be there!

On another note, gosh it's been a long time since an update.  In the infamous words of Callie, "my busy."  Very true.  And my writing for now is confined to my journal, which is not for public consumption!  I'll be back one of these days!

useful?

Today's entry in "My Utmost For His Highest" (Oswald Chambers) contains the following:

"God plants his saints in the most useless places.  We say - God intends me to be here, because I am so useful.  Jesus never estimated His life along the line of the greatest use.  God puts His saints where they will glorify Him, and we are no judges at all of where that is."

Whoo-eee.  I read this before heading into my day at work.  My useful day.  Useful for God, since I work at a church.  Right?  I wrote in my journal, "Wow, what a trap for me - thinking that I'm useful to You!  Change my thinking, Lord - let me bloom where you've planted me, not by being useful but by glorifying You."

He answered within a couple of hours.  I was rendered useless.  And I pray that I glorified Him. 

new habits

I've been working towards changing old habits, and finding new ones to replace them with.  Thinking on what I need to "fast" from and what instead I should "feast" on.  And it's hard!  I am a creature of habit, though, and with practice I hope that in time I will succeed.

Lexi spent last night with us, and at bedtime she wanted me to read her the book pictured at the left.  This "book" was written and illustrated by Brandon in the 5th grade - I wish I could take a picture of every page and let you read it.  Very funny stuff.  And, as you might imagine, coming from my gene pool the illustrations are ... well ... a bit confusing at best (sorry Beej). 

It was a surprise to even find this treasure, as I am not a "keeper of things" and since my kids are grown I've sent their stuff with them.  But Lexi is entranced with it, and every time she's been here since we found it, she wants it for her bedtime story.  Last night she was so tired I said no, and she asked if we could have it as a first-thing-in-the-morning story instead.  Her sweet little face appeared beside my bed promptly at 7:00 a.m. this morning, and the book was under her arm.  She crawled up beside me, and we read.

Those of you who know me at all know that I am all about routines and schedules and such.  So it is not a stretch that Lexi, blood of my blood, is probably much the same.  But I was struck this morning as I was thinking about how hard it is for me to form "new habits" that it is VERY EASY for Lexi to form them.  And to remember them without fail, and to follow through on them faithfully.  She does this unconsciously, surely (she's only six, right?!), but I am paying attention.  I think I will do my best to take my cue from her.

she speaks, He moves, he serves

This was a truly incredible weekend.  I traveled to Concord, NC, with Debbie and Ruth, two of my Olathe Bible Church cohorts, to the "She Speaks" conference with no expectations and a sore neck.  I came home with loads of information and tools to use in our Women's Ministry from the breakout sessions.  I came home refreshed by Cheri Keaggy's worship times.  I came home with the utterly unexpected gift of a prayer partner who lives in North Carolina. I came home completely broken and at the same time renewed and encouraged and challenged by the God-messages given by the keynote speakers.

I also came home with lots of great memories and the knowledge that because of this shared experience, my relationship with my cohorts has been moved to a new and deeper level.  We laughed together, cried together, and prayed together.  (Laughter = Debbie telling me she should have brought her scissors so she could cut my hair - I just got a haircut! And Ruth admiring my flat toes.)

I still have so much to process.  But I am struck by the notion that the term "she speaks" means something different for each of us as women.  We are not all "speakers" in the traditional sense, although some are.  Some speak to God on our behalf.  Some speak mercy and compassion into our lives.  Some boldly speak truth to us even when it hurts.  Some speak by hugging us and wiping away our tears.  Some speak by holding us accountable.  Some speak through writing, music, art.  Some speak by teaching.  Some speak by not speaking at all, only listening.  But hasn't God given us all a way to "speak" His glory and love and realness to each other?  Do we hold back sometimes because we don't speak the same way as those we admire?  Are we willing to let God speak through us in the way HE planned all along?  Or do we resist, feeling unworthy, unwise, unmerciful, unequipped, or some other "un" label we give ourselves?  When we speak according to His will for us, He moves.

One of the most powerful takeaways for me was the challenge to remember my "first love" for Jesus.  How did I think?  How did I pray?  How did I act, in private and in public?  How starved I was for His word and teaching.  Life happens.  I grew and learned and changed.  And I drifted.  Not too far - I can still see the shoreline.  But I realize that I've been focused more on my ministry than on my God.  Time to return.  My ministry is only effective when my eyes are on Him.  Not just in the quiet space each morning with my Bible and my journal, but in all the moments of my days.

And he serves.  Who?  My husband.  I received so many encouraging and loving text messages when I was gone, the last one asking "what will you need when you get home?"  I walked into a clean house, a pantry full of groceries, and the arms of the one who hates to be separated from me but loves me enough to send me out.  He speaks - straight to my heart, a human reminder to me of the God who does the same.

angie lately

WARNING:  WHINING AHEAD!

So much has happened since my last post.  I found myself yet again in physical pain, this time from a herniated disc in my neck that caused a lot of upper back pain and "I just hit my crazy bone" type nerve pain from my shoulder to fingertips in my left arm, no reflexes and significant weakness.  I finally went to the doctor, expecting a pinched nerve or something along those lines, only to be sent for an MRI and straight to a neurosurgeon (whom I have seen before and completely trust to be very conservative).  Imagine my surprise when, after he looked at my MRI and examining me, that he recommended surgery, right away.

So to surgery I went.  He found that my disc had broken into pieces (HOW does that happen?  I can remember no event, fall, etc. that would cause this, other than the slip in the pool that caused the elbow thing, but that was two years ago).  It disintegrated when he tried to remove it.  Had to use a "dremmel tool" to dig it all out of there - that still sort of creeps me out.  It was replaced with a piece of cadaver bone (ok that also creeps me out a little) and screwed in a titanium plate across the two vertebrae and the new-to-me bone.  I went home in a soft collar to be worn around the clock and a five pound weight limit.  Five pounds!  My purse weighs more than that!  After three weeks, I returned for an xray and post surgical exam, and happily learned that the bones are starting to fuse.  Still in the collar, but weaning off at home.

Unexpected, however, was the fact that he had to move my esophagus (they went in through my neck) and couldn't swallow solid food for almost two weeks.  Bonus:  10 pounds, bye bye.  Most surprising to me has been the extreme fatigue that still, six weeks later, plagues me.  I have had to seriously limit my activities, which does not sit well with me!

So it's been a rough go, and I've no idea how much longer the malaise will last.  I wallowed in my disappointment and frustration, frankly it still overwhelms me at times.  Especially since I seem to be on the "a surgery a year" plan, after last summer's elbow drama.  I'm struggling with disappointment at another summer gone by with seeing few of my hopes and plans come to fruition.  GRANDKIDS!  My two biggest ones are starting school in just a few weeks and of course it's harder to plan time with them once the school year gets going.

I've learned some things, important things.  How to receive ... we had meals brought in for a solid three weeks, people helping clean and run errands, visitors that definitely helped my "mental" health.  I've had a lot of reflection time (a LOT!) and have realized that I'm BAD at receiving.  And at the core of that, in all reality, is pride.  My nemesis.  I am so thankful to all those people who have loved me so well and continue to do so.

And then there's the patience thing again.  The doctor gave me a recovery window of 2 weeks to 4 months (!) and of course to me that meant two weeks.  So here I sit six weeks out still napping every day!

I've had lots of time for reflection - slowing down to the point of thinking instead of just doing.  No fires to put out, no demands on my time or emotions, other than what I put on myself of course.  It's been good to rediscover and remember the things I am really passionate about from a ministry standpoint, and SO good to spend uninterrupted, no-time-limit time with the Lord.

I know this season will not be wasted ... I must continue to actively fight the frustration and discouragement!  So I plod forward, slowly but surely, resting when I need to and taking care of the basics.  Speaking of resting ... nap straight ahead!  Happier blogs to come.

Tone of voice ...

So it turns out that all the best stories from our trip to Lincoln cannot be blogged.  Tone of voice and facial expression, at a minimum, are required to convey them well ... and with me probably lots of hand gestures as well!

The kids were great, the time was relaxing and fun, and I'm so glad we went!  Thursday we spent time with Kari and her two littles, Wyatt and O.J., walking and feeding the ducks and playing on the playground and winding down (or winding up, depending on who we're talking about) at Red Robin for lunch.  There was a minor problem surrounding the Red Robin balloons when it was time to buckle into car seats, but Mom-of-the-Year quickly solved it by telling them if they didn't settle in the balloons would go out the window.  End of problem.

The kids were amazingly good on the drives up and back - Christa has discovered an incredible combination of dramamine (they DO get carsick, really) and movies on the laptop.  Result - half-comatose and/or sleeping children and much quiet while we drive.  Very nice.

The highlight was definitely watching this movie.  That's a lie.  It was the worst movie I've seen in a very long time, despite Christa's assurances that it was "really sweet."  I'm pretty sure it should be renamed "Bitter October."  Ridiculous.  The only good thing is that she was really embarrassed by the end of it.

I'll post the rest of my pictures on facebook - there's some cute ones in there!

Stay tuned ...

Road trip!!  Christa and I are going to Lincoln with the kiddos tomorrow for a couple of days, to visit her in-laws, all of whom I adore.  Yes, we're leaving J.R. here.  Weird?  Maybe.  But I'm happy to be going in his stead!  I'm sure to come home with good stories and pictures to match.

punch me in the face ...

I'm returning to my childhood again - who remembers these dudes?  Much aggression was taken out in this little ring at our house!  I remember it being set up on my mom's sewing board in our basement and of course we had to have tournaments since there were three of us.  Being rather uncoordinated children, there were some pretty wild rounds, and I seem to remember a lot of yelling and screaming, and perhaps the whole thing degenerating into a real-life knock-down drag out. 

Always learning

Lexi learned (and of course explained ad nauseum) the purpose and function of title pages in books recently.  Mason is becoming a little master of his bicycle ... I suspect his training wheels may be coming off well before Lexi's.  Callie has learned how to pout masterfully - that little lip sticks out so far it's ridiculous!

Me?  I'm learning a few things these days too.  Like I can stop reading a book if I'm not enjoying it.  And it's ok to say no to things that overload me - even if I didn't think that thing was an overloader.  Also, I almost ALWAYS undercook rice ... what is that about?  Why don't the package directions work?  This is a biggie - I get seriously wound up about stuff that shouldn't rob my energy, mental or otherwise ... "be anxious for nothing ..." ... well, I'm learning.  Perhaps a "BFO" (blinding flash of the obvious), but an intricate, detailed budget, while time consuming, really does work, and frankly brings freedom I never would have expected. 

Time is strange.  Sometimes it flies by so fast I can hardly remember what day it is, let alone the actual date.  But this week it is crawling, creeping, slugging along ... maybe because I keep getting up at 4:30 a.m.?  Hmm.  That could explain it.  Of course this also makes it hard for me to remember what day it is ...

Long dreary snowy cold winters make my mouth water for spring.  Easy warm winters?  Well, I hardly even notice the transition.

Doing one load of laundry a day, while easier than doing it all at once, never gives the satisfaction that totally empty laundry baskets do.

I'm still pondering, post-Sunday, the notion that there is much opportunity in suffering.  I have always been taught that suffering is inevitable for Christians, but more from the standpoint that we must expect it and withstand it ... now I'm presented with the idea that there is opportunity for witness, especially, in how I handle suffering.  My heart tells me this is a big lesson while my head is still trying to wind around it.

OH ... this is nothing I've newly learned, but am recalling daily now as the excitement builds - I LOVE MARCH MADNESS! 

Paybacks and gravy

Join me in a tour of my home after 3/4 of a day with the kids ...

And guess what?!  They're still here, so I could improve on this if I really wanted to!  The good news is that, like it or not, they WILL clean it all up before they go home!

After lunch today Lexi asked if they could do a "food experiment."  I started to say no, just because ... well, just because that was my first reaction, I guess.  But I thought, what the heck, the worst that can happen is a mess, so we went for it.  They asked for water, flour, salt, pepper and garlic salt.  Well, once they mixed up the sloppy mess it dawned on me that they basically had the ingredients for white gravy ... so we cooked it up.

For dipping, Mason chose toast and Lexi chose barbecue potato chips.  Mind you, they used a LOT (and I do mean a lot) of garlic salt, so it was entirely disgusting, but they manned up and ate quite a bit of it, proclaiming that it was "better than Grama's"!  Whatever that means ... Mom, if that's true, you might want to work on your gravy! 

Oh and yes, of course it was a disastrous mess.  I spared you the pictures.

Weighing in

So we weighed our giNORmous cat today, and he weighs 15 pounds.  That's like two babies!! A friend suggested after seeing his picture on Facebook that he might be a Maine Coon - and oh boy after googling the creature I'm pretty sure she's right!  They are referred to as "gentle giants" ... and although he is very even-tempered for a cat, he is not very gentle when he head-butts me for attention, or launches himself from the floor to the armrest to the top of my recliner, usually pushing me backwards what feels like two feet.

We got to go to the KU/Colorado game today - it was marvelous to be back in Allen Fieldhouse.  It's been years since we've been, and so much has changed, but the electrically-charged atmosphere is just the same.  It's an all-sensory experience, for sure ... right down to the older lady who insisted on sharing my seat with me.  (We were on benches, and she just couldn't get the hang of sitting ON her number, but rather sat between hers and mine.  We were almost married by the end of the game.)

Christa and J went to Lincoln to see family this weekend, and asked us to look after their super-cute beagle/something dog Bentley.  So we went over last night to feed him and let him out, and got a little ornery.  We rearranged some things in the kitchen, changed all the clocks by six hours, switched all the stuff on the tops of their vanities (J's stuff on Christa's and vice versa), put Callie's potty training chair on their toilet, and last and best, we short-sheeted their bed.  So far she's found everything except the bed ... as I type I'm expecting an indignant call any moment.  Very amusing, I must say ... and good for the budget, as it was definitely free entertainment.

Lexi apparently said to Christa, "UGH!  Why did your parents do this??"  Which TOTALLY makes me laugh because this is the child that rearranges entire rooms every time she visits.

Mason is honing his handyman skills by removing the screws from the kiddie chairs during "naptime" at preschool - he's done it twice now, and hides them under his blanket.  LOL!  The second time Brenda (my friend and his teacher) told him to put them back and he just grinned that Mason grin and said, "But I don't know how!"  To which she replied, "That's not my problem!  You better figure it out!"  Apparently he did, at least to some degree.  Greg and I figure he's going to take over House Calls some day!

Dilly Bread and other such things

I think I've probably posted this before, but it is my most favorite bread!!  The credit goes to my mother-in-law, Pat, who gave me the recipe years ago.

DILLY BREAD
Pat Clayton

1 pkg dry yeast
¼ c warm water
1 c cottage cheese
2 T sugar
1 T minced onion
1 T butter
2 t dill weed
1 t salt
½ t baking soda
1 unbeaten egg
2 ½ c flour

Soften yeast in ¼ c warm water. Heat cottage cheese to lukewarm; add sugar, onion, butter, dill weed and salt. Beat egg in large bowl; add cheese mixture, soda and yeast. Add flour to make a soft dough.

Let mixture rise in warm place until double, about 1 hour. Stir down; turn into 2 well-greased bread pans. Let rise in warm place 40 minutes. Bake until golden brown at 350* (30-45 mins). Spread butter and salt on top of loaf.

---

Today's a baking/cooking day.  It's cold outside (no kidding, huh?), I'm home all day, and I've been "getting by" with easy meals for long enough.  Think I'll do some parmesan chicken and baked parmesan potatoes.  Too much parmesan, you ask?  No such thing.  The potatoes are divine ... I'll post that recipe too if anyone wants it.

Life is clicking along.  Work is still going well, and retreat planning is moving at a good pace.  We did have one small hiccup when our speaker had to cancel, but amazingly God provided a pair of women to take her place that I am so excited about - Nancy Moser and Brenda Josee.  Their material fits perfectly with our theme, "Free to Be Me," and they were available the weekend we needed them.  This all fell into place in a matter of days ... how's that for "coincidence"?  :)

I miss my littles - haven't seen enough of them lately.  Lexi took quite the spill the other day ... her version of what happened:  "My toe slipped under my foot and I stepped on it and fell down!"  Poor little urchin, she is most certainly blood of my blood.  Despite the fact that her middle name is Grace, physical grace is definitely not one of her finest attributes!  Or mine ... or Christa's ... or Linda's ... sorry guys, but the truth hurts.

Brandon is still plugging away looking for more work in San Diego, but thankfully he has found a great group of Christian guys to live with and fellowship with - the community he's been missing so much since he finished The Race.

Christa looks super cute in her "police" uniform (sans weapons of course) ... I would have thought 'super cute' and 'police uniform' to be mutually exclusive, but she pulls it off.  :)

Off I go ... laundry to fold and bread to bake!

Tasks or People? People or Tasks?

I've had a mixed up week, not in a bad way, just in that I have been pretty evenly divided between spending my time with people and spending it working at "tasks."  I used to be almost exclusively task oriented - give me a job to do, and I'll "git 'er done"!  But I think that was to the exclusion of relationships.  I've always heard that we all have a tendency toward one or the other, and I would have always said I was bent toward tasks.  The more I look back over the past year or so, especially the last six months, I am thinking that has changed, and for the good.  Of course I'm still all about details and task completion (HEL-LO!) but I am spending more and more time talking, listening, sometimes counseling, but generally just building relationships with other women. And I've found that I love love love getting real with each other - none of this fake surface-level relating for me, let's get down to what matters, right?  I think God is balancing my scales, in this arena at least, and it feels good!

Banner day!

What a great day.  I was up early, exercised even longer than I planned (when has THAT ever happened before?  I could stop right there!), vacuumed early (another almost-never ... I hate vacuuming), and worked a little via e-mail.  I ran my errands, including picking up a book I had on hold at the library - "Healing Water" by Nancy Rue and Stephen Arterburn.  This is the second book in the "Sullivan Crisp" series, and while I'm not far enough into this one yet to know for sure, the first one (Healing Stones) was absolutely terrific.  As much as I read, it takes something pretty special for me to recommend a book this highly! 

Anyway, my afternoon suddenly stretched out in front of me, so I grabbed up Lexi from school and we hung out.  I picked up her Easy Bake Oven from her house, and we set to work making sugar cookies.  The oven had to "preheat" for 15 minutes - I had no idea a lightbulb runs this thing.  Meanwhile Lexi mixed the batter - a packet of mix + 3/4 tsp of water.  That alone should tell you how little dough actually resulted.  We split it between the two pans, then cooked the first one.  For 10 minutes.  Then it had to cool in the "cooling bin" for 10 minutes.  Then we put the other one in.  And cooked for 10, then cooled for 10.  Do the math here, folks, it took 55 minutes to make TWO cookies.  They crumbled coming out of the pan, and were generally disgusting.  We cook together almost every time she comes over, and I'm thinking we'll go back to the old-fashioned way, which takes much less time and produces several dozen delicious cookies!  She actually lost interest as soon as the dough was mixed, so her attention was captured for approximately 2 of the 55 minutes.  So look out girl, we're back to reading recipes and learning fractions next time you're here!

Last weekend at a conference, I picked up a book called "The Princess and The Kiss."  It is a beautiful story of how God gave the princess' parents her first kiss to be held until she was grown up.  Then they pass it on to the princess, with the encouragement to save it for the man she will marry.  Many suitors come to her, but she saves the kiss and dismisses them all (for various good reasons), until she meets the farmer who loves her just for her and has saved his own kiss for her.  Needless to say, they share their kisses at the wedding and live happily ever after.  There is a companion book for boys, "The Squire and The Scroll," that I haven't seen but suspect is just as good.  It was a great way to dialogue with her, even at six years old, about how precious her kisses are and how important it is to save them.  (We did talk about the difference between the kiss in the story and the kisses she shares with mommy and daddy, etc.)  She re-told the story to Papa with surprising accuracy when he got home, so it seemed to make an impression on her.

Then we got her library books out of her backpack.  One of them was for her to read to me, and the other I read to her.  Hers was about a garden, and how some veggies and fruits grow above ground and some grow below the ground ... one page had a picture of a mole (and various other critters) burrowing around under the ground, and she said, "Did you know moles are nocturnal?"  I might have known that, I'm not really sure. 

We played Chinese Checkers, Uno, Go Fish, and Old Maid for a couple of hours.  She won some and lost some - remarkably, she's a very good loser!

Of course there were a couple of cartoons and some art thrown in for good measure.  I love the special bond I have with this child, different from the special bond I have with each of the other two - hard to explain but oh so true. 

And last but not least, we had chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and gravy for dinner!  How's THAT for undoing the hard work on the treadmill this morning!

Baby steps

Nothing momentus going on ... just found this picture from the last time the kids were here and got a little pang from seeing how big the shoes and coats are getting, and the fact that Callie already has to have her own backpack.  I'm also amused by the way they line everything up so neatly on my stairs - OCD rules!!

How 'bout this chick?

Since we're talking "vintage" toys ... anyone else have this gal in their doll arsenal?  Being blessed with brothers instead of sisters, I spent more time playing Jane to their Johnny West than I ever did with Barbies.  Wish I still had this old girl ... the "boxed set" is selling on e-bay for $95.00!!

And if we're being honest, I probably didn't "play" with her any more than I had to - only when pressured beyond sanity by my brothers - I would always have preferred to be reading. What a dork!

My brother Chris and I were just talking about Johnny and Jane the other day - he and Mike recently found their Johnny West guys, but alas, Jane was absent, and all of Johnny's joints had dissolved so that when they tried to move the arms or legs they just fell off.  Very sad.

Clackers

Anybody besides me remember this thrilling yet lethal toy?  "Clackers are the toy with a jillion names. It was essentially two large marbles attached by a sturdy string with a ring in the center. You would put your finger in the ring allowing the marbles or balls to hang below. Here is where the fun starts. The idea was to get the two balls tapping (or clacking if you prefer) against each other by pulling up on the ring lightly. Once you got the hang of it, you could get them going faster and faster until they were smacking each other above and below your hand in a stunning arc." (http://www.bigredtoybox.com/)

Now, I have to say that while I coveted this toy, really really really wanted one, because of course all the cool kids had them, I could never really get the hang of it.  Definitely never figured out how to perfect the "stunning arc."  In fact, my most successful attempts resulted in the two balls actually swinging apart and then tapping back together (not missing each other like usual) in a slow, tick-tock, tick-tock fashion.

For MOST kids these things were easily turned into weapons.  While everyone was obviously safe from me, due to my stupendous lack of coordination, I dared not let my brothers get their hands on them!  Apparently they were pulled from the market in the 1970's due to shattered teeth, broken eye sockets, and the explosion of one or both of the balls when they "clacked" together too hard.  The explosion factor was the fate of Greg's Clackers, and anyone in his family, even if they don't remember it, could have predicted it!

And to think they wanted to recall those little hamster thingies that were so big this Christmas!  Goodness.

I just have to say ...

... that this getting old business is for the birds.  My poor back ... my twisted ankle ... my sore achilles tendon ... an elbow that can predict cold weather ... arthritis in my big toe and my thumb ... going to bed at 9:00 p.m. and waking up at 5:30 a.m. ... meds for high blood pressure ... yikes.  If this is what happens at 45, then what will ... well, LATER be like?

Then again, this getting old business means I have VERY productive mornings, which is good.  And those extra pounds, well, I just chalk them up to middle age.  And the empty nest, that's a pretty good deal, trust me.  I read a lot, and don't feel guilty.  I work a little, and don't feel guilty.  I eat too much, and I only feel a LITTLE guilty.

And of course (you had to know this was coming) tea parties, endless reading, board games, art projects galore, lego creations, hot wheels races, and all those other fun things that come with grandparenting.  Now that we know that our every decision won't ruin the child for life, it's WAY more fun!

So after all that whining, I'll keep the bad back, sore this 'n' that, arising before the dawn, and all that other stuff - as it turns out, the trade off is totally worth it!!