On April 7th, I had a sudden onset migraine accompanied with vertigo, and shortly thereafter started having seizures. Thankfully my husband was home, and he called an ambulance. I spent several days in the hospital, including being transferred to an epilepsy unit, and came home with no real answers. I began having nearly daily migraines, sometimes accompanied by the vertigos, and occasionally with seizures. I made several more trips to the emergency room, obviously started seeing numerous doctors, and the short version is this: no one can figure out what's going on. I have lots of other symptoms that started at the same time - swallowing problems, balance issues, numbness & tingling in my hands and feet, vision problems, excruciating fatigue, I could go on. The latest is that I had a a bunch of blood work and a lumbar puncture last Friday looking for MS and Lyme Disease, and the results should take about 10 days. The closest thing to a diagnosis I have is "migraine with seizures," which I believe to be true, but it cannot explain all the other things that are happening at the same time. I have been sent "chasing symptoms" (such as the vision problems) to specialists, none of which can be explained within the specialty of that doctor.
I will tell you that if the lumbar puncture/blood work come back negative, we are considering going to Mayo Clinic. We think at this point that we need a team of people on "the case" to see what is going on - obviously it's quite complicated.
I've been on a leave of absence from work since July 1. I can't say enough about the wonderful people I work for and with - they were not only gracious but encouraged me without hesitation to take this time to get well. My co-workers and other friends have been encouraging in so many ways, checking in on me, bringing meals, visiting me, and breaking me loose from jail from time to time (I'm not driving either).
As you might guess, though, the days can get long, and nearly daily migraines are quite frankly exhausting and depressing. I fight against losing joy and hope ... my heart and mind know the truth - the source of my joy, the source of my hope, are in the God who is right here to comfort me, and who has a purpose for this time in my life - I know it I know it I know it! But I'm human, and there are just days when I am sad, and days that I get mad.
I have made a choice, though. When I realized that I would have empty hours stretching before me every single day, I knew that I would have to choose carefully how to spend them, or the depression would envelop me quickly. Law & Order, fooling around on Facebook, etc., are great time wasters for me, and I could easily spend all my days doing nothing more, especially if I'm not feeling well, and of course it could be rationalized by ... you guessed it - I don't feel well!!
However, I knew that for my spiritual, emotional and mental health, I needed to make a different choice. So I am spending my mornings with the Lord, one way or another. I don't have any "formula" (unusual for me - another post about that coming soon :) but rather am reading a number of books that have been on my "I'll get to that someday" list, listening to music, reading devotionals, studying scripture, and journaling like crazy. I'm learning to get real with God, and it's been absolutely stunning to me how near He has come when I let my defenses down. (WHY do we keep up our defenses up against God? I suppose because we've learned we need to keep them up against people to stay safe, so we automatically keep them up towards Him too, our ONLY safe place?) Anyway, I'm still stutter-stepping my way into this "realness" but it is raw and lovely, and I wake up excited to do it again every day.
That's it for now. Back soon.
1 comment:
EXCELLENT
Post a Comment