celebrating baby steps

Nope, still no diagnosis.  A few possible explanations for some sypmtoms, but no overall answers.  However, that news takes a back seat to what really matters:  I am continuing to feeling better!  It is so interesting to feel thankful to cook dinner for my husband.  Or get my own groceries.  Or even clean my toilet myself!  Before you misunderstand let me say two things:  First, if you are reading this and are one of the angels who has served me in one or more of these ways over the past months, THANK YOU!  I honestly don't know what we would have done without you.  But second, those tasks I mentioned used to be just mundane, everyday things in my life, some of which I enjoyed, some not so much, but the point is I just DID them without thinking - until I couldn't do them anymore.

Today, I give thanks while frying an egg, gathering shoes to put away, running to the library to return books, and yes, even while cleaning the toilet.  (I might have only given thanks for the toilet once.)  I have a different understanding of "give thanks in all things" - I have always thought of that in terms of hardship - even when things are hard, I am to give thanks, and of course this is true.  However, it's never occurred to me to give thanks that I can get groceries!  Another one, "do your work heartily, as unto the Lord" - always thought that applied to my job (or primary ministry) ... not so much to sweeping the floor. 

And so I continue to process as I regain my energy.  I have to go slow - of course I just want to go back to 100 mph right now.  But I can't do that, my body won't let me.  And frankly, I'm thankful,  Because I really think the lessons I've learned during this time would quickly fade if I were able to do that. 

I feel changed.  I will (please God I hope I will!) go back to my job, and nothing in the end will look as if it's changed from the outside (except maybe a few more gray hairs and BIFOCALS, thank you very much).  These few months have been hard, and scary, and discouraging.  I will not ever say otherwise.  But I will also never, ever, deny that God has used this time in a mighty way to show Himself to me and reveal some things to me ABOUT me that I don't think I was ever ready for prior to now.  As a result my perspective towards Him, towards others, towards work of any and all kind, whether home, job, volunteer, missionary, prayer, or study, is different.  I've realized how much I operate based on what I know, what I'm good at, what comes easily to me, what makes sense to me, without ever giving God a thought, let alone looking to see what He might have in mind.  I pray every day that the work God has begun in me will not only carry through into every corner of my life, but will continue to progress because I choose to remain in the Potter's Hand as I slowly re-enter my "real life."

This song is speaking to me right now - I need to be mindful of what I just said - it would be so easy to just step back into my old shoes and go back to "Egypt" - it was comfortable and I was happy enough there right?  At least it was safe and a known quantity.  However.  I don't think it fits me anymore.