For most of my life I have defined myself as being "high" in certain gifts, and really (I mean REALLY) low in mercy and compassion. In fact, I have been quick to tell others that these two particular qualities are weaknesses of mine. At some point I reconciled (rationalized?) this within myself by realizing that I am part of a Body, and everyone has different gifts. So while I'm not the best at mercy and compassion, there are others that are, and they should balance me out. Not that it excuses me from being merciful and compassionate, but it definitely took the pressure off.
Recently I went through an exercise with the other women during our weekly Bible study at the office. We had to write our name on a card, then pass it around the room, and everyone wrote something about that person that we appreciated. No problem! I could easily think of something to write about every woman in that room. But then, we got our own cards back, and had to read them out loud. Oh the horror! Almost every one of us cried as we read them.
Here's the problem. The card with my name on it was filled, front and back, with statements about me that seemed to "appreciate" my care and concern (read "mercy and compassion") for others. Of course my first thought was that they were ALL wrong. Done deal. But as that day and the following ones passed, I found myself taking that card back out and re-reading it, and wondering if it was really possible that everyone lied about me. My conclusion is that these dear women would not do that, and that everyone else's cards, when read aloud, seemed to fit them perfectly.
So I was forced to really examine my "story." Is it possible that while I have been running around spouting off that I stink at mercy and compassion, God has really been expanding that little part of me? Growing it up big enough that it is the thing these women (all of whom know me well) think is a prominent, evident part of who I am?
While this is still hard to wrap my head around, I think that it's time that I stop telling that old story. Obviously God is up to something that I try to thwart everytime I define myself incorrectly, internally or externally. I am surprised - how and when did this happen and how did I miss it? Clearly it's happened over time, gradually, and I missed it because I was so busy defining myself that I haven't noticed all the people and situations God has put in my path that called for much care and compassion. So I'm trying to knock down the walls of that box I made and remember that God said "I know the plans I have for you ..." (Jeremiah 29:11), in fact to stay OUT of any box at all and let Him define me as He pleases. No more story-telling for me.
What's your story?
6 comments:
Perhaps all you have to do is reconsider what mercy and compassion look like. :)
Great post! It made me think about a time when I said the opposite of what I wanted to say to a student. I wanted to fuss at her, but what popped out of my mouth was merciful instead. I know that it was the Holy Spirit allowing me to be what she needed at that minute (her defenses broke down and she opened up about what was going on in her life) because it was not what I had planned to say at all! Isn't it awesome that He would use us to show His mercy and compassion to others? His stregth is made perfect in our weakness.
Oops, I meant His strength!
Lovely post. The women in your life are blessed with your presence, and your insight. I think once we drop the 'narratives' we create, often out of fear and a misconceived need for self-protection, we truly step into God's reality. It opens the 'box' to inner freedom as it unfolds and fill our lives with unconditional love. The kind of love that increases as it is shared. Thank you
L.A.
http://postfactumcine.blogspot.com/
This is just so lovely! Thank you for posting it. Bren
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