Knock knock ...

I've been very anti-social toward my blog for awhile.  In fact for so long that I doubt anyone's checking anymore, which is probably just as it should be.  Here's why.

I realized a couple of months ago that I was too often writing "to" my audience, instead of just pouring from my heart.  Which led to a consideration of a pride component, and the ugly realization that I was not only writing "for" my readers but avidly seeking their affirmation and approval.  So I stopped writing anywhere but my journal, and let God lay me bare on this issue of still needing/wanting the approval and affirmation of others, instead of being fully and completely satisfied with His never-changing and endless approval of me and therefore writing out of the overflow of my heart.  It doesn't matter whether the subject is some silly or wonderful thing one of my grandchildren has done, chronicling an event in my life, or writing about what God is teaching me and what I see Him doing all around me ... my motivation must NOT be the hope that someone will read it and leave a glowing comment, that it will move someone to action, that I will make someone laugh, or that (here's the heart of it) I will impress someone with my skill.

That was a really hard paragraph to write.  My weakness, my wrong motivations, my prideful heart ... laid before you, but most importantly spoken "aloud" before God and laid on the altar.  He has gently humbled me during these weeks and months. 

Somebody might be thinking, "What's the big deal?"  The big deal is that I have always wanted to write.  Always.  Since I was a little girl. I know I am passionate about many things that I would like to pour out in words.  But until now, that desire has been rooted in mixed motivation.  I think that there are things I have to say that might be worth reading.  But, and here is the change, they will only be worth reading if they're written from a place of weakness and humility, therefore allowing God to write through me, instead of me writing "for Him."  He doesn't need me to write for Him - after all, isn't He the author of all things?

So I come back here with the simple desire to share my heart as God leads me.  That's it.  It will be interesting to see what pours out ... I'm done planning and plotting how to be funny, powerful, motivating with my words.  No more agenda rooted in pride.

I imagine my subject matter won't change much ... isn't it totally unpredictable anyway?  :)  But my heart is changed and I look forward to see where He takes me on this little Slice of Life blog from here.

Oh so much has happened to me and around me since I've posted regularly!  What I will share remains to be seen - I feel like I'm going to be sitting beside you waiting to see what will come next.  Can I sign up to follow my own blog?

I'll leave you with my favorite snippet of the week.  As background, the littles are enthralled with knock-knock jokes right now.  At 6, 5 and 3, you might imagine the content and effectiveness of these 'jokes' ... and I use the term loosely.  Recently, though, Mason has started to find his comedic timing, and tells this one very well:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c... MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Does that even translate into writing?  I can heard it in my head though and it's hilarious - he's SO LOUD anyway.

So here's Callie's latest version:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting horse.
Interrupting horse who?
Neigh, neigh ... Hey!  I wanna ride a tiny horse!!!!!!

And she's off in a whole other non-sensical direction that left me in tears I was laughing so hard.  Precious little dolly!

Back soon.